Couples Counseling
Work Through Crisis and Navigate Life’s Challenges Together
IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN CRISIS?
Do you feel:
Worried about the future of the relationship and if you can be happy again?
Disappointed that the relationship is not what you wish it were?
Resentful about all the compromises you have made and things you have tolerated for such a long time?
Hurt by betrayals, harsh words or careless actions?
Lonely and emotionally distant wishing for more closeness, laughter and affection?
Frustrated with not being able to get on the same page with partner?
Discouraged by all the effort you put into the relationship and not seeing any progress?
Do you sometimes wonder:
Why does it have to be so hard?
How did we end up here?
Why can’t we talk and listen to each other without fighting?
What happened to our relationship, to us?
For how long are we gonna go on like this?
We are so different, can our relationship survive this?
Does my partner even know me?
This is too stressful! I can’t stand this anymore!
Does my partner even like me?
What’s in this relationship for me?
Is this how my life going to be? It’s not ok. I do not deserve this!
Most couples start couples counseling feeling stuck, confused and discouraged. They wonder how they got here and if their relationship can survive the crisis. It may be time to consider couples counseling.
WHAT IS THE MAIN SOURCE OF DISTRESS AND UNHAPPINESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
These are some examples of the issues couples bring to couples counseling:
Communication: Whether it is constant fighting or the heavy silence, both can erode the best of relationships leaving partners discouraged and disconnected from each other. Couples counseling will give you an opportunity to make the necessary shifts by providing you with feedback and guidance to manage disagreements, make decisions together, plan your future, parent as a team and negotiate your needs in the relationship.
Physical Intimacy/Affection: Lack of sexual intimacy, different needs and drives, absence of physical touch. For most couples, sex and affection are evolving experiences. Age, health, children, stress, affairs, relationship problems can all affect partners’ availability and desire for physical closeness. Couples counseling will support you in exploring, adjusting and reinventing the intimate world of physical closeness.
Emotional closeness: In a relationship where a void, an emptiness, an emotional distance has become palpable and is difficult to break, partners struggle to feel close to their loved one. They might feel like roommates or strangers and can’t quite reestablish the friendship and connection that they have been longing for. Couples Counseling will provide you with guidance to start conversations that make you feel valued, important and visible. You will create rituals of connection and deepen your knowledge of your and your partner’s internal worlds.
Life transitions: Expecting parents, transition to parenthood, losses, lifestyle and career changes, empty nesters, recently divorced or separated, retired - All people experience some of these emotionally difficult phases in their life. Couples Counseling will allow you to find a space to grieve, get on the same page, prepare for the new path you are on and build a stronger relationship based on support, connection and understanding.
Parenting: Parenting as a team with consistency and common values is a challenge for many couples. Depending upon the stage of the relationship and children’s age, couples might struggle with aligning their parenting styles and navigating differences in vision, priorities and values. Couples Counseling will guide you to clarify your goals in parenting and approach the developmental stages of your children as a team.
Affairs: Hurt, anger, anxiety, uncertainty about the future and confusion about the past. Affairs affect our intimate relationships on so many levels. Wether you are the hurt partner or the affair partner, there is hope for your relationship to heal. Couples counseling will provide a safe environment to heal the wounds and to rebuild a stronger foundation for a relationship of trust and commitment.
Managing stress and physical and mental health: Physical and mental health, life’s stressors all make our relationships vulnerable to conflict and overwhelm. Couples Counseling will guide you to build a supportive relationship to better navigate the challenges related to stress and health issues, to adjust your expectations and realistically plan for the future.
Substance Abuse Recovery: Managing substance abuse recovery while attending to responsibilities requires adjustment and significant changes in the way partners relate to each other. Many couples face the reality of their relationship and the damage caused by substance abuse. They often feel frustrated, overwhelmed and disconnected. Couples counseling will guide you to align your expectations, to support each other in recovery and to shift to new habits providing more stability and confidence in the maintenance of sobriety and the future of the relationship.
HOW WILL COUPLES COUNSELING HELP?
gain a deeper understanding of your own and your partner’s internal worlds
learn how to validate and express empathy
explore what holds you and your partner back from getting on the same page
put yours and your partner’s perspectives together to compromise
learn about each other’s triggers and personal stories that escalate your conflict
build rituals of connection
engage in better conversations
get concrete steps and guidance to navigate your differences together
HOW TO START COUPLES COUNSELING
Contact me.
We will schedule a 15 minutes phone call with you and your partner. You will tell me about yourself and I will answer any questions you might have about therapy, schedule, location. This phone call is not a commitment to therapy but an opportunity to get to know each other.
If you decide to proceed with couples counseling, we will schedule our first session, and I will email you the paperwork to sign before we meet.
Gottman Therapy starts with an assessment (3-5 sessions). During the assessment, I gather information about you, your partner, and your relationship and give you feedback about my observations. We will also set tentative goals for therapy and review/update them regularly.
After our first session, you will receive a link to an online assessment managed by the Gottman Institute (extra charge $40/couple). The assessment will target different areas of your relationship and indicate some of the strengths and areas of improvement.
Our sessions will be 60-80min long. Extended sessions can be scheduled (rates will be adjusted).
My rates are $200/ first assessment session (60-80min) and $185/session (60-80min) moving forward.
The weekly schedule is preferred when you start couples counseling, but bi-weekly sessions are also an option.
Online and in-person sessions are available. In-person sessions are held in Glenview, IL.
Intensive Couple Therapy can be scheduled on the weekends.
GOTTMAN METHOD
The Gottman Method Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research that began in the 1970s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasizes a nuts-and-bolts approach to improving clients’ relationships.
This method is designed to help teach specific tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your relationship. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage resolvable problems and dialogue about gridlocked (or perpetual) issues. We will also work together to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities.
COUPLES COUNSELING IS NOT INDICATED IN FOLLOWING CIRCUMSTANCES:
active substance abuse in one of the partners and the using partner is not willing to quit. SAHMSA the National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 provides resources for substance abuse.
untreated mental health issues. SAHMSA the National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 provides resources for mental health support.
unsafe family environment. National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 provides resources and support for individuals who are victims of domestic violence.
an ongoing affair and the involved partner is not willing to end that relationship.
ambivalence about relationship. Please see Discernment Counseling as an alternative to couples counseling.